Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Mummy's Ups & Downs

I think most blogger mums out there who are constantly happy and looking so good during their pregnancy are either lying or faking it. I mean, seriously? I don't see how pregnancy can be such bed of roses lor so far! I'm not even talking about the nausea and stuff, but the 'dan lain-lain' in this context! 

As a first-time mum, I have and still having my ups and downs I thought I just want to jolt down and share with you guys so that maybe it will comfort you who has the same problem or you can comfort me, or we can comfort each other? *hugs~*

The Constant Worry if Baby is still Alive
Please tell me I'm not the only person on earth who constantly think I've done something wrong that could kill my baby boy who is still living in my tummy. I freak out on every twitch, pain or any form of discomfort I feel in my belly. Walked past and hit softly on a chair I would think I've hit my baby's head. Sleep too side way and I think I would have put too much pressure on my baby and would kill him...

The worst thing is that since I'm still not at that stage that I can feel baby's kicking me, I'm forever in doubt whether or not he is still alive until the monthly scan, which is why I'm always excited about the check-ups even though it means decades of waiting at the hospital!!! Gaaaahhhh... So annoying! 
Please baby, kick mummy and let me know you are still in there okay? *knock knock~*
Cute onesies we couldn't resist buying for our little boy! :)

The Weird Appetite
Thank god 1st trimester is over and I no longer feel nausea all the time. But my appetite has changed from the time I was not pregnant to pregnant, and from 1st trimester to now, the 2nd trimester! I love sour stuff a lot at the beginning I drank so much of orange juices without sugar but now oh please, bring on the sugar cos sour juices are just bloody yucky!!!

Only thing that has not changed is the fact that I still hate button mushrooms (my favourite food, that is) and salmon fish (also my favourite food) that I feel like puking even talking about them now. It's so weird baby is rejecting mummy's favourite food! :S

The Craving 
I've heard a lot about mummies wanting certain food and need the husband to speed out to get it for them even if it means it's middle of the night. I'm not sure if I should be thankful (Deardo sure should be thankful) or what that I don't really have that kinda moments and my Deardo still hasn't need to do much things like that. The only time was a day when we had very early dinner and I was hungry I just needed this Fried Bihun from a particular restaurant near our house and he actually bought it home for me! Yay! :)
One of my favourite Fried Bihun delivered to me! Oh nom nom nom nom...
Other than that, my ultimate comfort food now are anything Asian, tonnes of ice-cream and some junk food. Okay fine, loads of junk food...

Well, once in a while, I still crave for coffee but yea I take a sip here and there anyway. :p
I want my Kopi Peng like real soon!!!

So it is true, mummies-to-be are known to go through crazy hormone changes that make them crazily emotional. Emo watching movie, emo at Deardo's harsh words, even when he was just joking, emo listening to preaching in church, emo cos nobody answers me in a Whatapps group chat... And by 'emo' I mean sometimes it can be crying like shivering and all! It's crazy! In fact Deardo and I fight more during the past months although it can be just some small matters cos I tend to start screaming first. LOL.

And then after every crying session, I'll start to feel either tired or hungry again...

Sometimes my emo-ness is very easily justify. This pregnancy is a very surprising one so we had no time to think about what to do after the baby is born. E.g. the fact that I still can't drive makes it complicated next time when I need to send baby to nanny or to school, or the fact that should I quit work and stay home to take care of baby? And these to me are worries that haunt me until now. Most of the time I just feel so helpless and useless that I'll start to cry and cry and cry... And this will only go on until I finally pick up driving (and can drive a baby safely around) and us deciding what to do in terms of my career...


The Insecurities are REAL
Those who say women look prettiest when they are pregnant, you are probably lying or you are trying to get something out of that woman. I mean, those are bullshit to a pregnant woman. How can you be so big, bloated and swollen and still think you look super fabulous? Unless you are not as big and are still as gorgeous, like Blake Lively (gah, why can't I look like her?).
Mummy at 18 weeks!
Until today I'm not used to seeing my growing tummy and I'm sure I will never get use to it. I'm also constantly worry about how much more I would put on after this before I could look like a gigantic walking balloon. I wasn't exactly an XS or even S before this so up-sizing myself to even bigger size can be quite scary. Especially after a successful battle to lose weight for our wedding last year, it just feels so terrifying that I could put on another 20kgs or so during pregnancy! 
Mamo still looking quite slim when she was pregnant with Vivian! 
I don't know, I don't even want to put on my maternity dresses yet in fear that they will make me look even bigger! :S

The Oh-So-Old Comparison Story
SIL has also just confirmed that she is having a boy, who will be only 2 months younger than our boy. Judge all you want but I'm not too happy about that.

Having gone through my childhood feeling insecure and having a low self-esteem because my cousins around the same age do better than me both academically or socially really ruin it for me. And what about the stuff they own and you don't? Fancy toys, hi-tech video games, blah blah blah... 

Well one thing for sure is that both Deardo and I are not going to be those kiasu parent who want their kids to be top of the class and send them to numerous tiring classes or tuition to get it right. No offence to parents who actually succeeded in that area, it's just our personal preference really! Instead, we wish and will train him to be street-smart, brave enough to present himself in front of people and conquer what he wants to conquer. So no thanks, we won't compare our kid with SIL's kid in terms of academic cos we all know that does very little when you go into the working world these days. 

But... You know the reality is people around them will still be comparing them and that's still pretty annoying.

And then, while I can only assure myself that I will have better genes (ah hem) that my son will probably look better, better in languages (like mummy and papa) and that I am sure I will teach him good values to be a better person, Deardo and I are going to face the reality that the two boys will end up comparing each other's toys, gadgets, then cars, and maybe girls, when they grow up.

Well, I'll leave that up to the papa who will be more of the decider on what to buy (girls not included)! Muahahahahaha...

Mummy's Stronger than Everrrrr
On a happier note, My pregnancy experience so far hasn't been as bad as I've expected it to be. During my 1st trimester, I've only puke once despite all the constant nausea. Constipation? What is that? I poo even smoother and more frequent than before I was pregnant! And touch wood, so far I've not fall too sick I actually find my sinus sort of gone better already! Baby boy must have been making the mummy STRONGER!

Keep up that good work, mummy's strong little boy! :)
Mummy in the making? Me at 9 years old, carrying baby Vivian like a pro? LOL!

Every single time one side of me think about all these worries, the other side would pop-up and say something like: hey, cheer up, let's not worry so much about the future yet! Okay fine, I admit, most of the time 'the other side' is Deardo who has been doing extremely well being a papa-to-be compare to me and I can't thank him enough for being there and showering me with all the love that I need during this emotional period. 

So keep up that good work too, you loving hubby and surely, a loving papa! :)

Anyway, I also heard if mummy is always sad, down or crying, the baby will end up the same. So I'm still trying my best to put all these worries behind me and be happy for our son's sake! So please slap me if you see or hear me being so down again. Thanks! 
Deardo spending some sweet time with Lil' Jolie, a little promising photo that Deardo will be a great dad! :)


Hayley said...

Buying clothes for the little one is indeed very enjoyable!! ;)

Don't worry so much, enjoy your pregnancy which later you'll miss!!

ShiRLeXia said...

Hahaha, really Hayley?????

No wonder a lot of people say women tend to forget how hard it was to be pregnant after a while!